December 2008
i’m afraid of the future. as much as i try to focus on the present, the future is always there freaking me the hell out. where will i go? where will i live? how will i make money? will i be happy? will i be with someone? will i be terribly alone? will i make it? i feel so small.
i’m finding it harder and harder to get a good night’s sleep lately. there is too much on my mind. tossing and turning all night long, i can’t get away from my thoughts.
i am the complete opposite of my family. different views, different values, different interests; i am all that is opposing to the rest of my family for the most part. i don’t expect my family to appreciate or even respect my views. they don’t have to, i’m only sixteen. still, i want to be able to express myself. a year and a half. eighteen months.
my bed is so lonely. 2:29am and i don’t want to be here. i want so badly to be with you. you have magic in your fingertips. you send shivers up my spine.
i worry about what i will become. i worry about where i will end up. but mostly i worry about if i will ever become anything or end up anywhere.